Gone But In My Heart Forever

Many of you have followed my journey this past year with my shops and my mothers illness so I wish to pay my last tribute to my mom here. My mom, Joan Albertson, died December 31, 2009 after a long fight with pulmonary hypertension a disease without a cure.

The last part of her journey was nothing short of miraculous. Last February her wonderful doctor Katie Horan (now considered an adopted sister) didn't give us much hope that mom would be around for her special "Christmas in July" which she did every year for a group of friends. This group of about 15 women had been friends for over 65 years. They went to grade school together and remained friends through their lives. Now my mom was exceptional as anyone who knew her can tell you and she was determined to be there.

Come July and sure enough the plans were in place and Christmas in July was a go. Meri, Patti and I prepared a full Christmas dinner with turkey, dressing, potatoes, gravy and the rest of it. We decorated the patio with a small tree and lights and gifts for each of the women. The lunch was fantastic and the women sat around and gossiped for a couple of hours never knowing how this was taking a toll on mom. After they left mom went to her chair and took her medicine and slept for the rest of the day. She slept with a smile cuz she loved her friends and because her daughters had given her the ability to have this lunch.

Each day mom would sleep a little more than the day before. However, she had a bucket list and she was really determined to complete it. At this time she couldn't walk far maybe 30 feet before having to sit down and rest so the list became goals she reached for.

Since I was about 12 years old one of the favorite places for the family to go was the ocean. We camped and played there as much as we could afford to and Ocean Shores was one of mom's favorite places. A final visit was planned to camp for a weekend with the whole family. All six of us showed up along with granddaughter Amber and her to twins, Sari and Thea, which were the light in mom's eyes. It was a spectacular weekend of eating talking watching the water and family. We drove mom down to the beach and set the cars to sort of block the wind but still let her watch Sari and Thea walk in the water and play with their grandma Tami. Some of the pictures show her as content as she had been in a long time.

Again Dr. Kati didn't give us much hope for mom making it to Christmas, but as I said before she was special and so strong it still amazes me. On the bucket list was shopping trips so she could buy Christmas presents. She wanted to visit Wally World, Freddies and KMart. The trips were planned and Meri, Patti and I were at her disposal. She did her shopping and hid her finds to wait for Christmas.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be at my house in Ellensburg but mom was ill the week before and back in the hospital. Dr. Katie said no traveling she was to weak and the altitude change and dryness here could really affect her. I cried when I found out because I knew it would have been her last visit to my home. I had planned a special night for her but it just couldn't be. So we switched things around and had a buffet Thanksgiving at mom's house. You can't know how thankful I was just to have her there even if she slept most of the time.

Christmas was supposed to be at Tami's house but mom wasn't up to the drive to Bonney Lake. So Tami, packed up the kids and grand kids and brought them to mom. She was able to see her precious great grand daughters open their present and to hold them one more time. She forgot to give some of the presents and the next day didn't remember much of what happened. I had planned to go home on December 27Th but mom was really fading fast so I stayed.

We had put off getting hospice in but now mom felt it was time so we contacted them and they came and set stuff up just before Christmas. We all knew that mom's time was close and all 5 daughters were there. It is amazing to me the love that was shared in that last week. We worked in shifts to be sure someone was awake with mom 24/7. She slept most the time but would occasionally wake up and talk a little bit. I remember one morning I had gone to bed about 5:30 and at about 9:00 Patti came upstairs to get me cuz mom wanted me. I jumped out of bed and ran down stairs. At first I couldn't understand what mom was saying but the second time she repeated it I got the message. Her last coherent talk with me was to tell me I was not responsible for the rest of the kids. See I was the oldest and mom was a single mom for most of my teen years so I had the role of helping take care of the younger kids. I laughed and told her it was to late I had been responsible for to long and couldn't stop now.

Each of us had made the most of the 2 years previous to this. We had spent what time we could with mom talking, laughing and making good memories so when the time came we were as ready as you ever can be for something like this. I did as I told her I would and held her hand to the end. Papa, Patti, Toni, Meri, Tami and I were there to let her know it was okay to stop fighting the good fight. We took our turns kissing her good bye and the hardest for me to see was my papa in such pain.

The hardest moment was when the men from the mortuary came to pick her up. I almost couldn't let them take her. I made sure they took her security blanket with them so she would feel safe. The were kind and gentle with her but it still hurt. Normally they will not cremate anything with the person but somehow mom's security blanket was cremated with her. That soothed me just a little.

Mom built a sanctuary in the back yard a place of flowers, trees and birds. She wanted to stay in her garden but we didn't want to scatter her ashes because we know some day it won't be ours so, we have her ashes with us in a beautiful angel sculpture that will be in her lily garden in the summer and beside her fireplace in the winter. Papa has found a white marble slab to set the angel on in the garden and will have moss all around it. I remember mom telling papa she wanted to be in the garden so she could tell him "Don't pull that up it isn't a weed".

I don't have many regrets with my mom because we were always close and shared all the time. She was my friend and the only person in my life who loved me no matter what. It didn't matter to her how good or bad I was, if I was pretty or ugly, fat or skinny she loved me even with all my warts there for her to see. It is hard to face her being gone because no one on earth can ever love you like your mother does and when she is one of your best friends too, the one you share everything with it is a double whammy.

To those of you with parents still here treasure them. Make recordings of their voices or a home movie, take pictures and make list of what you want to do together. Sometimes you don't get the time you think you will have so make the most of the time you get. Remember to tell them you love them and they are important to you always.